Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
