You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
