this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
