There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize