she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
