if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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