Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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