I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
