Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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