i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
