as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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