forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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