right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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