Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
