If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
