alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
