They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
