I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
