I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i now understand why vodka
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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