so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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