I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
