if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize