I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
