I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
