Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
