The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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