apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
