Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
