i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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