Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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