I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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