I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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