i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
