just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you didnt know i had herpes?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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