I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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