Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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