but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
