Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize