I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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