Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
