It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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