WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
