He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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