I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
