What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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