put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
