I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
