the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
