I faked an abortion last night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
