you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
