Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've blown a few things in my day
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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