I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
