You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
