"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
