fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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