Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
