remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
