Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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