I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
