So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
