you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
