You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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