I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
