He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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