She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
