there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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