cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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