the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
