I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
