He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
