I'm gonna have a badass scar
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
