I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
