Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
