The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
