He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
