i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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